The Man is oppressing my readers!
Check it: from my stat references...
This beggars belief.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Friday, March 05, 2004
Sons Of Mexico
Damn that Robert Rodriguez: just when I'm ready to write him off as having lost the plot—after he foists on us the horrible Spy Kids 3-D, which was not only the worst of the three but in fact the worst film I saw last year—cabrón has to go and make Once Upon A Time In Mexico, which not only proves he's still got some serious game, but which has got me listening to the Shaft soundtrack and strutting around all badass and yearning for my own pair of mariachi pants.
I mean, do you have any idea how fucking stupid I look doing all this?
That's right. And I'm blaming Robert Rodriguez.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Volunteer
I just sealed a deal to play a free gig: a coffee hour at an adult-care facility for patients with long-term mental illnesses.
The jokes just write themselves, don't they?
This happens in early April. And of course you'll hear about it here.
Monday, February 23, 2004
Truth, Get Stomach and Wings
(I'll cover this as delicately as I can, but the faint of heart may wish to surf elsewhere.)
I weigh myself every morning, and in interest of establishing an accurate baseline weight, I try to do under identical circumstances each day—that is, immediately upon awakening, before taking any food or drink but after attending to my morning necessary.
So here's the thing: On a couple of occasions, I've weighed myself before voiding, and then again immediately afterwards—without eating or drinking anything in the interim—and in both cases have been measurably heavier after elimination than before.
This is, to say the least, counterintuitive.
What's going on here? The only explanation of which I can conceive involves the buoyancy of intestinal gas, but it would have to be sufficient to counteract and exceed the weight of the solids. Can this be possible?
I am concerned. Does this buoyancy mean that, when I have reached my goal weight, I will have to tether myself to a some stout object whenever I eat Mexican?
Thursday, February 19, 2004
A Big Stick
About that Teddy Roosevelt doll. It was mine, originally—a G.I. Joe, in fact, part of a limited-edition series of twelve-inch models that cameout a few years ago, commemortaing famous real-life soldiers. I'm not a collector, but these came to my attention during a random trip to the toy store, when I saw two beautifully-crafted figures honoring the Tuskegee Airmen (the first figures in the series, I think) and was quite taken with the concept. This being known, my wife gifted me with the Roosevelt figure, in full Spanish-American War regalia, on my next birthday.
The fellow was almost immediately adopted by Claire, of course—she was three or four at the time—and in short order our 26th President was pressed into service as an escort for Barbie. (I note with some amusement that the Pink One has lately dumped her longtime boyfriend. Poor Ken: if he can't win out over an Australian boogie-boarder, what chance did he have against Old Rough And Ready himself?)
One day, while cleaning Claire's room, I found TR and Barbie lying together in a heap, both stripped. This was a super-deluxe Barbie, all its limbs and joints fully articulated. Noting this, I did what any parent would have done: I posed Barbie and Teddy in a series of amusing pornographic tableaux.
The effect was slightly disturbing. The most unsettling aspect was how natural President Roosevelt looked in his new role as triple-X headliner: his cut physique and frozen, oddly joyless grin were part of it, but I think mostly it was the mustache. Let me say it unequivocally: Teddy Roosevelt was born to be a porn star.
Admit it, History: that nickname, "The Rough Rider," even sounds like the title of a blue movie.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Free Association
The synchonicity of the overeducated: When the boy (who is not yet two) toddled into the kitchen dragging a Teddy Roosevelt doll in one hand and this stuffed animal in the other, my first thought was, "Bull Moose Party."
But of course.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Who Accumulates Names Like Some People Accumulate Friends
I was given the tag "Jack Fear" by the redoubtable Steve, who, when first he met me, could not keep my given name straight.
My daughter reports to me that (for similar reasons) she has acquired the playground-name "Claire French-Fry."
Am I wrong to see her as part of a proud tradition—to feel that you can bring no honor to this surname until you've shed it for some colorful substitute?
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Tough Guys Don't Dance
Oh dear. You know, I like Warren Ellis. I do. He's a sharp guy in a lot of respects, and, for my money, one of the few comics theoreticians worth reading.
But if he's going to do stuff like this—reciting self-parodic, shopworn Spider Jerusalem-isms over a bed of identikit techno—and then hail the results as The Future Of Music—well, he's just letting himself in for a bit of a kicking, isn't he?
Sunday, February 01, 2004
UberList 2004 Monthly Update 1
For January 2004
Looking it over now, it's a primarily process-oriented list—short on one-offs and quick fixes. For the most part, I won't be able to assess my achievement or lack thereof until the year is over. Maybe that's a good thing.
Anyway: here we are, with all-new categories...
SO GOOD SO FAR
- drop the first 30 pounds
The actual number goal will shift as the year progresses. So far the results have been very encouraging. The initial idea was to lose 10% of my body weight within six months, and see what happens from there: one month in, I'm halfway to that goal. No Atkins, no starvation, no crank pills—just keeping tabs on what I eat (using DietPower) and listening to the cues my body sends. I've got great hopes for the future—this month has been so bitterly cold that I haven't even been able to get out and walk; imagine what's going to happen once I rev up my metabolism a little!
- keep up a skin care regimen
- less coffee, less soda, more water
Two cups a day, no more; no soda in the house; ten glasses a day.
- eat more vegetables
- eat less fat
- see one good movie a week
- read one book a week
Thank you, public library!
- subscribe to The New Yorker
- subscribe to The New Republic or TNR Digital
D, God bless her, got me gift subscriptions to both for my birthday.
- go out to dinner once a month
Outback. Never again.
- write to Cathy once a month
- write to Dan & Mimi once a month
Just slipped these in under the wire.
- read with Claire every night
- keep up with Claire's school work
- investigate paid church choir positions
One interview in January, and am pursuing another in weeks tocome. Stay tuned...
- recycle
See here.
- recommence dream journal
Only one entry this month—but it's the first dream I've remembered in time-out-of-mind. That's got to be significant; maade the decision to record them again, and along comes one worth recording...
- start a reading journal
My little green notebook.
- start a film journal
My little purple notebook.
- find out what it would take to get jackfear.com up & running
Partially complete. My dear friend Steve reserved the domain name a while ago, and sent me all the login information. Generating content and organizing the site is no issue: it's a matter of finding a host—i.e., a matter of money—and of designing the site (or having it designed, which again is a matter of money). In the continued absence of gainful employment, all projects requiring an outlay of funds are suspended.
- play out once a month
- find at least three new places to play
- learn one pop standard per month
23 January, the One Way Café, "Seven Steps To Heaven."
- church every weekend!
We've literally had to drag the kids to church on a sled for the past five weeks, but dammit, we've been there.
- pray every day, morning & evening
Anne Lamott says there are only really two prayers: "Help me! Help me! Help me!" and "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" There's been plenty of both, this month.
- keep up with Claire's religious education
- more compassion, less anger
At the risk of quoting Sheryl Crow: No one said it would be easy, but no one said it would be this hard...
- have Jeff & Tammy over for dinner twice a month
We've gotten together a few times, but they've always hosted. Which is unfair.
- write to Steve once a month
I owe you, buddy. In more ways than I can count.
- call Mom once a week
My Mom, God love her, just got her first computer and is on AOL. So I have been e-mailing her. Not often enough, though.
- spend less time overall online: 2 hours/day max
Eek.
- use online time more productively: action plans, prewriting, etc.
There's been some of that, but I'm nowhere near maximum efficiency.
- vacuum twice a week
Averaging about once a week. And in a house with two kids, that ain't enough.
- TV: 1 full-length movie or 1 hr/night, not before 8 PM
Double eek. I've been fighting my horrible recent tendency to have the TV always on for background noise, but not entirely successfully. It cannot stand, though—I see what it's doing to Sam, the way he runs to turn on the TV every time he's in theliving room, and it breaks my heart.
- update blog three times a week
Sporadic updates still prevail. It's feast or famine, here in the house that Jack built.
- recommence Morning Pages
Did about three days in January. It's so hard to carve out any quiet time, what with the kids; but it's at the back of my mind.
- get a job
Everything flows from this.
Everything else.
