Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Your Annual Reminder

This blog is likely to remain mostly closed for the foreseeable future; however, I am still available by e-mail (see below) and am active on Twitter. You can still find my work occasionally around the Web — especially at Popdose — as well as at my work blog, which should be seeing new infusions of content fairly regularly in the coming New Year.

As you were.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Sacked With References

I don’t update this blog very often anymore, but a few people a week do still visit it — usually when they are searching for something else. I’ve got a widget set up that gives me my site referrals, which are the search terms that lead visitors to this page, and they are a source of constant joy.

You can reach this site, for instance, by typing big billfold that says giants on it into your search engine. You’ll be disappointed to find that this is not an online shopping portal for football-related memorabilia — but you can do it.

Or you can search for Theme to Ironside chords, and somehow end up here. Or for what is a four-letter word for a dry riverbed? (Wash, for the record, or in case this dude is still working on his crossword puzzle, two years later.)

Those, at least, make some kind of sense. But some of you people on the Internet, man, some of you people, and some of the things you search for… you make me wonder, is all.

other words that mean  giant
I think the word you really need to learn is “thesaurus.”

Her eyes were lowered she was breathing heavily. A tendril of hair was bothering her right eye. She was trying to move it but the wind was strong
Don’t stop now! For God’s sake, don’t stop! It’s just getting good!

"feast or famine" marimba
It’s like waiting for a bus with those damned marimbas; nothing for hours, then two or three turn up all at once...

shrek during dinner tab for marimba
See? What did I tell you?

how to play in the guitar-upside down-jack Johnson
That’s easy. Step one: Get out of the guitar.

Man A man B and man C. Man A gets on a bus followed by man B. Man A gets off at an empty bus stop and walks down a dark alleyway. There man B kills him, cuts off his arm, wr
Wait, I know this one... “What is the bus driver’s name,” right?

Jack and  come back,  can hardly believe that there really is a  up in the . Jack meanly tells  to go check for himself, hoping he will get hurt.  Explains
It’s the Beast, Piggy.

rael  gost  pictuers
Three-word query, three misspellings — we have the trifecta!

www. picture'sof grasshoppers.com
Oh, you’ll have to try a little harder than that.

www.gost are rael.com
What? You again?

are gost rael
Okay — dude, here’s a Pro Tip: The problem with your search string is not the order of the words.

how can i make a ladie giant so she can let me sleep on her tougue
Ah, Internet. Your capacity for both misspelling and perversion never disappoints.
Also, ewwwww.

80's song radio yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh
The saddest thing? I think I know which song they mean.

more lies from the hive mind that seek to deceive
America! Neon lobster telephone!

killer wake in the evening, killer walk outside. When she comes divided, she really comes alive?
Now you’re just creeping me out, guys.

body should stay whole" then the people die
Seriously, man, cut it out.

killer clown girl stone cold lover in the snow covered peaks
Come on guys this isn’t funny any more

fear before the march of flames-the always open mouth
OH MY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE WHY WON’T YOU LEAVE ME ALOOOONE

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I Ain't Dead...

...I ain't in jail, and I'm still married, so I must be doing something right.

That being said: I am going to be devilishly hard to get ahold of for a while. Forget about phoning me for the foreseeable future, and forget any email address you may have on file.

The best way to get vital correspondence, paying propositions, and serious queries to my attention is via [jack dot feerick dot says at gmail dot com].

Idle or fatuous inquiries, as always, will be ignored.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Honey No

I've removed some Honeythief-related content from this blog—the sidebar with the chapter-by-chapter rundown is gone, and I've taken down a bunch of the chapters. This is partly in anticipation of Something Actually Happening with the book, and mostly because I'm just sick of looking at Chapter 62 again every time I click over to this page to hit a link or something.

There are thirty-odd chapters still in the archives, and I may eventually put some up on the workblog (which I really ought to update, I know), but you'll have to dig for them yourself. If you are sincerely put out about this, maybe drop me a line on jack dot feerick dot says at gmail dot com and I'll see what I can do about getting a manuscript copy to you, when such things are ready.

In the meantime, again, you can usually find me on Twitter, often in the process of losing my mind. Thanks for reading.

Monday, May 06, 2013

Hey, y'all.

So I'm rearranging the furniture a little bit. I've started a work blog over here, where the gig diary used to be, to track my new and upcoming projects. For day-to-day blather, I'm pretty active on Twitter, so feel free to say Hi and follow, if you'd like.

Not sure what I'm going to do with this place, to be honest. It's mostly just collecting comment spam for boner pills now; and I've got to wonder how long Google will continue to support the Blogger platform anyway. The model seems, if not actually dead, then certainly dying.

This is the curse of being a consistently late adopter — getting onboard with a service just as it inevitably begins to crumble under the weight of its own limitations. Sometimes I feel like a harbinger of the apocalypse; as soon as I get into something, it goes away.

That's why I'm still not on Facebook — as a mercy to all of you who are. Because I would kill it for sure.

Anyway. Now you know where to find me; I'll see you around, maybe.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Honey Lingers

Taking a skip week for Fiction Friday. Longtime readers (hello, both of you!) may remember that I've been pretty much dumping stuff straight from the longhand notebook into MS Word; but Chapter 55 — currently entitled "The Morning Brigades" — has undergone some offline tweaking, and I'm taking some time out from posting for transcription, reshuffling, and minor surgery to this chapter and the next two (to be called "Iron To Sharpen Iron" and "The Queen's Remedy").

Absent any new writing content, enjoy a couple of fresh mixtapes, both themed, both kind of funny (IMHO) and both featuring some pretty rockin' tunes (IM incredibly subjective and easily-discreditable O).

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Ten Unmediated Pleasures Strike Back

  1. An impromptu a cappella tear through “Bohemian Rhapsody” that starts in ragged three-part harmonies and collapses into helpless laughter on the kitchen floor.

  2. Tiny sidewise flick of the wrist answered by the hiss of fishing line on the reel and, much later, a faraway splash.

  3. The passage from full sun into leafy shade, and the incremental temperature drop.

  4. A tug on the starter rope yielding a finely-calibrated resistance and then the satisfying roar of a small gas engine.

  5. The thump and smack of baseball into mitt.

  6. An idea, then another, turning in your head like 3-D puzzle pieces, then locking together. Then another. And again.

  7. Cat’s sandpaper tongue against your thumb.

  8. Cottonwood tree’s leaves rippling in a stiff breeze like half a million little green flags, and banishing Cole Porter from your mind’s ear long enough to hear it for what it really is.

  9. First sip of shandygaff, mixed cold in a plastic cup on a hot day.

  10. Success against odds; virtue rewarded. The first and truest of pleasures.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Wheelhouse


(a play in one act)

CURTAIN RISES on a gathering SCHOLARS of soul music. They are discussing the work and legacy of Michael Jackson.

FIRST SCHOLAR
…at this point, the contribution of Quincy Jones cannot be ignored. It really ties Michael into the continuum of great American music.

SECOND SCHOLAR
Oh, agreed. Those vocal harmonies on the bridge—they’re arranged like the saxophones on an Ellington tune. Just sublime.

While the Scholars are conversing, a WHITE ROCK FAN enters.

WHITE ROCK FAN
How dare you discuss the legacy of Michael Jackson without mentioning Eddie’s solo on “Beat It”? That was a watershed moment! It was an unprecedented fusion of rock and R&B! It introduced hard rock to an entirely new demographic!

The WHITE ROCK FAN stands, pale and sweaty, as the SCHOLARS stare at him for a beat.

FIRST SCHOLAR
Well, yeah. But we’re talking about Off the Wall.

WHITE ROCK FAN
(a moment of dumbstruck silence: then suddenly shouts, throwing the horns)
VAN HALEN 4 LIFE!

Runs madly for the exit, leaving the SCHOLARS bemused.

CURTAIN.

Viz. (scroll down for the comments)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Hou! Mamma Mia!


Today is D’s birthday. The piece up at Popdose today does not mention that fact, though it does mention that it was she who gave the CD under review — Famille Nombreuse, by les NĂ©gresses Vertes, a record that looms improbably large in my personal pop pantheon.

I might have made more of that fact, though. Because it occurs to me that my takeaway from Famille Nombreuse — the joyous spirit of collaboration, the raucous democracy of voices, above all the marvelous, terrifying feeling of Us vs. The World, the feeling that all life is a bloody gang war and that your survival is primarily a function of who you’ve got in your gang — lines up pretty clearly with the lessons of 25+ years of knowing her.

Happy birthday, darlin’. This is a pretty grand adventure wherein we find ourselves, after all.

Monday, June 06, 2011

A Slice of Fried Gold


My review of Simon Pegg's memoir Nerd Do Well is now live at Kirkus Reviews. I have nothing witty to say about it right now, but I do have some thoughts on British TV comedy and the nature of the collaborative process that will (I hope) soon form the basis of a substantial post. So, y'know, there's that.