Thursday, October 19, 2006

Under the Influence

Accidentally ran my wallet through the washing machine last night, and spent the better part of an hour tweaking the oven to dry out my health plan cards, car insurance documents, registration, Social Security card, and various currency.

Discovered later that I had also run a green crayon through the washer.
How did I discover this?
Because the crayon made it through the dryer, too.

Now. Crayons, of course, are made of wax. And what happens when wax is exposed to high heat—such as that found, oh, I dunno, inside a dryer?

Answer: It fucking vaporizes. With the result that the dryer drum is now coated inside with a fine green patina.

Clearly, my life should come with a warning label:
Do not operate heavy machinery while being Jack Fear.

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